'08. What did I learn? What did I live? What was accomplished? What was wasted? What will I regret? What will I cherish? How did I love? How did I hurt? How did I overcome? What have I become?
Those are loaded questions, and, in sense, it was a loaded year. Not when I think about it on the surface...there were some common themes and common failures in my life this year, and I thought I could accurately and succinctly share them here, but looking back in my journal of the past 12 months, I was overwhelmed. Because a year can be overwhelming. I always said that a lot can go down in a year...but it's also true that a lot goes up and down (i.e. the stock market). I guess I'm like most people, that throughout our lives we have ups and downs, sort of like a rollercoaster. I've always recognized this in my life spiritually, but now I realize it permeates all areas of my life--emotionally, socially, professionally, mentally. And in a way, it epitomized 2008.
It's funny what you learn about yourself when you journal. Reviewing past entries, I read of days of great inspiration followed by woe and melancholy. I would document so-called "life-changing experiences," only to read about myself a month or two later when nothing's changed. I've probably gained the greatest understanding of God's grace this year, yet have never felt more condemned. I loved my job in the spring, yet could barely tolerate another day of it in November. I spent too much money at times, yet probably should have purchased more at others. Yeah, it's been a year of contradictions and extremes.
So what does it all mean? What could I have really learned when I repeated mistakes? Could I have grown when progress seemingly was nullified by steps back? Am I any different from the end of '07? I have to be...because too much has happened... too much has been learned. This rollercoaster has either helped me or hardened me. I believe it's the former. And it's prepared me for '09.
Those are loaded questions, and, in sense, it was a loaded year. Not when I think about it on the surface...there were some common themes and common failures in my life this year, and I thought I could accurately and succinctly share them here, but looking back in my journal of the past 12 months, I was overwhelmed. Because a year can be overwhelming. I always said that a lot can go down in a year...but it's also true that a lot goes up and down (i.e. the stock market). I guess I'm like most people, that throughout our lives we have ups and downs, sort of like a rollercoaster. I've always recognized this in my life spiritually, but now I realize it permeates all areas of my life--emotionally, socially, professionally, mentally. And in a way, it epitomized 2008.
It's funny what you learn about yourself when you journal. Reviewing past entries, I read of days of great inspiration followed by woe and melancholy. I would document so-called "life-changing experiences," only to read about myself a month or two later when nothing's changed. I've probably gained the greatest understanding of God's grace this year, yet have never felt more condemned. I loved my job in the spring, yet could barely tolerate another day of it in November. I spent too much money at times, yet probably should have purchased more at others. Yeah, it's been a year of contradictions and extremes.
So what does it all mean? What could I have really learned when I repeated mistakes? Could I have grown when progress seemingly was nullified by steps back? Am I any different from the end of '07? I have to be...because too much has happened... too much has been learned. This rollercoaster has either helped me or hardened me. I believe it's the former. And it's prepared me for '09.
